When it comes to forgiveness, many people believe that simply saying the words, "I forgive you," or telling the Lord they forgive someone is enough. And for minor offenses, this might be true. But what about the deeper wounds? The betrayals, the heartbreaks, or the offenses that left lasting scars? Is saying a quick prayer really enough to heal those?
What if, after declaring forgiveness, you still feel angry, hurt, or bitter? What if thinking about that person stirs up negative emotions or a desire to talk about what they did? Perhaps you say, "I forgive, but I'll never forget," or feel uneasy when their name comes up. Maybe you avoid them altogether (and yes, healthy boundaries are important in cases of ongoing harm). Yet, deep down, part of you feels like justice still needs to be served.
If any of this resonates with you, the answer is clear – true forgiveness hasn’t fully taken root.
Forgiveness is a significant matter to the Lord. Scripture tells us that if we don't forgive others, we won’t be forgiven (Matthew 6:14-15). In Matthew 18, the parable of the unforgiving servant warns us that holding onto unforgiveness opens the door for torment in our lives. This isn't just a metaphor; it’s a spiritual reality. Unforgiveness creates a foothold for the enemy to operate.
So, what does true forgiveness look like?
First, as followers of Christ, we stand forgiven because of Jesus' sacrifice. On the cross, He looked at those who abused Him and said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." If we accept His forgiveness for our sins, we relinquish the right to withhold forgiveness from others. How can we expect mercy if we are unwilling to extend it?
True forgiveness begins with a choice, not a feeling. It’s a deliberate decision to bring the offense before God and say, "Lord, I choose to forgive this person." Even if your emotions don't align, making this choice opens the door for healing. God honors your obedience, and the feelings will follow.
Holding onto offenses places us in the judgment seat of Christ. When we refuse to forgive, we are, in essence, saying, "I will be their judge." Yet, Scripture is clear – vengeance belongs to the Lord (Romans 12:19). By trying to exact justice ourselves, we prevent Him from intervening. I don’t know about you, but I trust God to handle things far better than I ever could.
If someone comes to mind as you read this, I encourage you to take these steps in your prayer time:
Confess and Release – Bring the offense to God. Tell Him you no longer want to hold onto unforgiveness, bitterness, or resentment. Repent for holding onto these things and choose to forgive the person.
Place Them in God's Hands – After forgiving, tell the Lord you release this person to Him. Take them "off your hook" and place them on His. This is not excusing their actions but trusting God to handle it justly.
Process the Pain – Ask Jesus to show you the areas of your heart still holding pain. Express how their actions made you feel. Put every emotion you felt/feel into word for Him. Don’t hold back – let it all out before Him.
Release the Hurt – Once you’ve poured out your heart, tell Jesus you release everything you've just explained to Him, all the emotion, pain, bitterness, and resentment to Him. Release anything else to Him that He may lead you to release. Picture yourself laying it all at His feet. He will take it from you.
Ask the Lord to Speak - Ask the Lord to speak to you about the whole situation. He may have something to say to you about the situation, or about that person. Allow Him to speak a truth to you that heals. He will speak His truth to you, bringing healing where needed. You can even say, "Lord, what do you want to tell me about all of this, can you give me a truth that heals?" Then wait and listen.
Bless and Pray for Them – Ask the Lord to bless the person you’ve forgiven. Salvation is the greatest blessing anyone could receive, and your prayers might be the very thing that softens their heart. You could be the only one praying for them!
Now that you've done all of this, you will feel so much better. You may even feel lighter, or like a ton of bricks has been lifted off of you. But this is an ongoing process. When memories resurface, or bitterness tries to creep back in, bring it to Jesus again. Lay it down as many times as needed. Eventually, you will never have anything negative ever come up again because you've laid it down at His feet and you've kept it there.
Has the Lord spoken to you through this post? I'd love to hear how He is moving in your heart. Much love and blessings!
~ Mason Ledbetter
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